I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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