6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
