put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
