Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
