Umm I'm too high to move.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
