a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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