i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
