She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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