as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
