So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
