He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
