I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
