I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
