I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
