theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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