you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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