Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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