why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
