Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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