honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
