Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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