just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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