Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
