this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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