I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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