That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
