he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
