Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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