There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
