dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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