Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
