Duck Duck Cougar?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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