We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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