This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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