She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
