Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize