This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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