i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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