I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
