DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
