Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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