oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
