the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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