I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
