Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
