She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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