We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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