i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
