She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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