I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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