i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
