Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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