; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
