my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How does one acquire holy water?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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