I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
