test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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