she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
