she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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