we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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