I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
