Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
