Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
