so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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