You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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